"I was out in L.A. a weekend or two ago at some party. My bandana was pink, the bar was open and the majority of the people there were celebrating the homeowners son's 19th Birthday. It should have been a good time, but it wasn't, and the worse part was that we'd foolishly made the one guy who wanted to hook up with the Birthday boy's mother, drive. Needless to say we weren't going anywhere."

"If you plan on going out to dinner for NYC restaurant week, pay close
attention to the wine list."

"My fraternity brothers had gone to Panama or Mexico or somewhere drivable for Spring Break that year. I had gone to visit my parents. They had come back with a suitcase full of illegal fireworks. I had not, but we were all glad to be back nonetheless and we drank and celebrated as university students do."

"I had an experience that might be the single greatest moment in cock block history. Well greatest is not the right adjective maybe the right word is "awful" or "down right greatest crime against humanity." This is just a warning to all men that sometimes unforeseen circumstances can and do happen."

"I think that it is my duty to correct one common misconception in the United States today, and let everybody know that there are other civilized countries beyond the borders of N.J. For instance I was shocked to learn recently that “Europe” though not very large compared to the state of Texas is actually full of people..."