Drinking in Germany

I think that it is my duty to correct one common misconception in the United States today, and let everybody know that there are other civilized countries beyond the borders of N.J. For instance I was shocked to learn recently that “Europe” though not very large compared to the state of Texas is actually full of people. I learnt this when I was sent to a trade show in Germany. At first I was puzzled as to why I should be sent to Germany and wondered if there was another Ryan that had not been found the first time. In fact the general lack of a current war in the area seemed to totally dispel any reason to go abroad whatsoever.

When I arrived I was amazed to see that Germany was not in fact all that different to the Un778ited States. They have cars, trees, people, whores and many of the same socio-economic and geo-political issues that burden much of the tri-state area. What I was most elated to discover however was that they too have beer. This was so unexpected that I quickly made some enquiries and affirmed with the greatest minds I know, that not only Germany but the entire world does in fact have beer. This is a great age ladies and gentleman when we can travel the highways and byways, take to the sea and to the air, go from one end of N.J. to the far reaches of the known planet and be assured of beer (though not necessarily cold beer). I feel that it is reassuring to know that though people may speak in foreign tongues, though they may be foolish enough to have many wives, and though they may require being smacked around by the heavy hand of American foreign policy from time to time, if they drink beer they can’t be that different.

Even so here are a few particulars I learnt about drinking in Germany. Be warned however, as you do not know who I am I am not concerned about how perfectly accurate these observations may be..

1) Like US they have drink specials. However they are quite frequently posted in German. This means that you will either have to learn German, design and build a computer capable of translating this coveted information, imagine what the special aught to be and then imagine you are paying the special price, or as I did ask someone who speaks both German and English.

2) Germans are not the friendliest people. While this is a problem if you attempt to slouch on the subway it is less problematic in the bar. If you are feeling lonely simply hand over your credit card and direct the bar tender to give everyone within eyesight a tequila shot. You will be surprised at how quickly you will make friends that you will be too hung over to remember.

3) DO NOT FALL INTO THE FUNNY MONEY TRAP. Be conscious of how much those tequila shots you are happily dispensing are costing you. The first time I went to Germany the Euro was at 1.2 to the dollar the second time it was .8 to the dollar, that, to put things into perspective is 40 cents difference for every euro you are spending of your bank account. A 200 Euro tab the first time I went to Germany was only $160 the second time it was $240, that’s a big fucking difference.

4) Germans have as much if not more drinking experience than you. We Americans have been drinking for something like 300 years, Europe is much older, they have consequently been drinking from long before boats had even been invented to go discovering America in. Though Germany may be a third world country, they are therefore a formidable threat when it comes to drinking. So be warned unless you are coming out of Spring Break training you are in for a ride if you start a drinking challenge.

5) Many bars do not accept credit cards. Check before you start buying. I don’t know what happens if you run up a large tab and then are unable to cover it, but I don’t think they have HBO in German prisons.

6) Germany is much more drunk friendly for staggering bar goers. The police as far as I can tell do not seem particularly inclined to harass the inebriated. This is a great step in the right direction for civilization and is certainly the way forward for a great nation such as our own.

7) German girls do not seem particularly interested in Americans. German men seem equally interested in American girls. And since American girls are more interested in foreign guys, there is some conclusion to be drawn from this –probably if you are an American guy do not expect to be swamped with attractive ladies. Aim to get drunk not laid.

Hope this is useful.

Peace G.E