Hanging With Jose

Hanging With Jose.....

Many memorable days were spent, margaritas in hand, on Seven Mile Beach in Jamaica. Why they were memorable I don't recollect, but at least I returned home, flip-flops intact, and nothing but a sun tan tatooed on my skin. It has been a long time since then and even longer since the days before I discovered that Tequila could be mixed with less potent liquids...the point being that I was pleased that Tequila was the alcohol of choice for last Friday's sampling.

Some of the usual tasters...some new ones. Saab9000 agreed to mix all the drinks so we could be lazy assholes and mooch off of him.

This tasting was predictably (as with all things tequila related) a mess. Fortunately some of the opinions of the tasters were preserved, thanks to the use of a video camera. Unfortunately much of the tape is incomprehensible drunken blathering and impossible to dictate properly.

HAIRY SUNRISE

Ingredients:
3/4 oz Tequila
3/4 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Triple sec
3 oz Orange juice
2-3 dashes Grenadine
Mixing instructions:
Mix all ingredients in blender except grenadine. Pour into Collins glass and float grenadine on top. Garnish with a lime slice.

The Shogun: You’re already drunk
Kiki: No I’m not.
Cat: I like this. It’s sweet.
Gorpo Especial: It tastes like Sex on the Beach. I actually like it more -- but if you ask for a hairy sunrise they wont know what you're talking about.
Kiki: It would be good as a shot.
Little Johnson: Yeah, shot of this would be good.
Gorpo Especial: We’re going to be so fucking hammered by the end of this.
Kiki: I don’t like it. (pours refill)
Little Johnson: Your first opinion is I don’t like it –you-re second opinion is pooour me more.
Gorpo Especial: Don’t talk to Johnson. He’s an asshole.
The Shogun: Yeah, look at him -- he's wearing a tie.
Little Johnson: I came from work fuck you.
Bedwetter: I have Sambuca in my room..

BORDER CROSSING

Ingredients:
1 1/2 oz Tequila
2 tsp Lime juice
1 tsp Lemon juice
4 oz Coca-Cola
1 Lime wedge
Mixing instructions:
Pour the tequila, lime juice, lemon juice, and cola into a highball glass almost filled with ice cubes. Stir well and garnish with the lime wedge.

(Gorpo Especial turns on some lesbian porn for all to enjoy)

The Shogun: Stay focused. Don’t let the porn distract you.
Gorpo Especial: Open that shit up -- is it ready yet?
Kiki: Its going to take forever!
Saab9000: Jay!!!
Kiki: It's supposed to have ice in it already -- good thing I read ahead.
The Shogun: Two tea spoons of lime juice.
Saab9000: My favorite cup –- awesome. Grenadine.
Gorpo Especial: Ok whats going on over there?
Little Johnson: It's almost ready
Mixmaster Mike: Hahaha
The Shogun: What does that say –- two teaspoons?
Gorpo Especial: Two tablespoons.
The Shogun: Two teaspoons.
Saab9000: Two teaspoons is the same as one table spoon.
Gorpo Especial: Holy Shit...we obviously have the right man for the job. You’re like a super... bartender..
I was about to get belligerent, then I remembered that he is making the drinks...
Fatty Fats: Good choice...good choice...
The Shogun: Cheers to our order!
Kiki: (watching porno) I’ve never seen that in real life!
The Shogun: Border-crossing thoughts?
Bedwetter: Not strong enough!
Cat: I would order something like this. It's really good. I like this.
Little Johnson: (shrugs)
Fatty Fats: I think we should take a break here and clear our systems with a tequila shot.
The Shogun: We're already drunker than last time
Kiki: I like it, but it's like soda...but the carbonation is not so strong –- I like it.
Gorpo Especial: That was complicated –something about carbonation.
Fatty Fats: Yeah
Gorpo Especial: I think we’ll just discard that one. That shit wasn’t bad.
Fatty Fats: That was your comment? "That shit wasn’t bad."
Gorpo Especial: But it wasn’t that good either.
Saab9000: I wouldn’t drink more than one in a row
The Shogun: Too much lime –Too much FUCKING LIME!
Kiki: *still watching lesbian porno* What an unflattering position.

KAMIKAZE II

Ingredients:
1 1/2 oz Absolut Vodka
1/2 oz Cointreau
1 wedge Lime

Mixing instructions:
Pour Absolut and Cointreau over ice in glass. Squezze and drop in lime to taste.

(A lot of faffing around takes place until the shots are produced)

All: Here’s to Barspecial.
Kiki: (to Little Johnson) Mister Passout-on-New-Year's-Eve.
Little Johnson: Yeah, well, whose birthday was it?
The Shogun: He's only one year... two years younger than me...

LONG ISLAND ICE TEA

Ingredients:
1 part Vodka
1 part Tequila
1 part Rum
1 part Gin
1 part Triple sec
1 1/2 part Sour mix
1 splash Coca-Cola
Mixing instructions:
Mix ingredients together over ice in a glass. Pour into shaker and give ONE brisk shake. Pour back into glass and make sure there is a touch of fizz at the top. Garnish with lemon.

(This drink took forever to finish because there was a fifteen minute break while rum and gin were located. The Shogun and Kiki were responsible for getting the booze and got side-tracked . They were found sometime later playing beirut in the basement at which time the tasting was able to continue.)

Gorpo Especial: Look at that –do you know who that is.
Bedwetter: Not you.
Gorpo Especial: I know! It's Sean Connery and he’s saying “Shut the fuck up and do a tequila shot.”
Kiki: I’m a light-weight. Trust me. I like tequila. (starts making out with The Shogun)
Little Johnson: I think you should stop making out...
The Shogun: Heheh.
Kiki: I so rarely get drunk.. at least I don’t fall over at parties...
The Shogun: I'm going to keep her in a constant state of drunkeness from now on..
Kiki: Aww you cut me off...
Gorpo Especial: Give this man two tequila shots...
ArmyDude: Let's go to the bar...
Gorpo Especial: This is my fucking job, man.
ArmyDude: Fuck this. Let's go to the bar...
Saab9000: Fatty Fats will do it... Yeah…

(It was about half way through this forth drink that the crowd started to get distracted by various things. Two couples started engaging in activities that might push a PG rating, there was an instigator not part of the tasting beligerently lobbying to go to the bar. Various things were being knocked off the table and the porn that was playing on the T.V. was now well into the realm of the hardcore. In my professional opinion the tequila fairy was making a visit. At this point, as the designated head taster, I knew that we should push through with the last drink. Something quick and easy to close out the session...)

IRISH CACTUS

Ingredients:
• 2 oz Irish cream
• 1 oz Tequila
Mixing instructions:
Pour Irish Cream and Tequila over ice and stir.

Gorpo Especial: Let's do one of the shots...what's that one...an Irish Cactus...what's in it?
The Shogun: Tequila and Irish Cream
Gorpo Especial: Bailey's?
The Shogun: Do we have any?
Gorpo Especial: Yeah, it's around here somewhere... from last weekend...
Little Johnson: That shounds pretty good..
Gorpo Especial: There's about three shots worth in here...

(It was at this point that I became aware that Jose was starting to get the better of me, as I poured two glasses three quarters full and then (believing my earlier declaration that there were three shots left) poured half of the remainder of the Bailey's into my shot glass and the other half of the bottle in a great cascading brown waterfall all over the table. Fortunately no-one saw me. Which in hindsight is pretty amazing really. The tequila was added and I took my shot.)

Gorpo Especial: Not bad. Bailey’s with a bite.
MJ (taking his about five seconds later): Umm…that tastes like off milk...
Gorpo Especial: What are you talking about...it tastes like Bailey’s.
The Shogun: It curdled...you waited too long.
Gorpo Especial: What are you talking about? Don’t be a p**sy...
The Shogun: It curdled! I’m not drinking that.
Gorpo Especial: What a f*cking waste.
The Shogun: I’m not drinking curdled milk.. f*ck that.
Gorpo Especial: OK, let's go to the bar -- don’t leave that shot, Little Johnson drink that..
Little Johnson: OK….
Little Johnson: That’s disgusting...Ughh...I think I’m going to puke...here pass me that trash can..
Gorpo Especial: OK. Let's go to the bar..